Hello!
Hi! Obviously I assume that this newsletter is read by Sadiq Khan, our great mayor, as well as by every single London MP and council leader and probably by Keir Starmer and all his advisers. What follows is addressed to them, as I don't think anyone else would be able to do anything about it.
So, to you, assembled crowd of the great and the good of the capital, I ask: are we sure we're making the most of the Thames? I think it's fair to say that our city, wonderful as it is, has been feeling a bit forlorn over the past few years.
The cost of living crisis keeps merrily biting us in the arse, renting is extortionate, buying is out of the question for most, and honestly it just kind of feels like we've been flopping a bit. We've not been at our best. How, I hear you ask, can we get over this? Simple! We must remember what makes London great.
By this, I mean: we must do more along the river. Why is it that we don't have, for example, more boats housing bars and restaurants along the Thames? I organised my first two book launches on boats, because the water is important to me, then I had to have the third one in a regular house, because I'd run out of central London boats which were available to rent. Isn't that pitiful?
More broadly, there just aren't enough businesses on the river right now. I love, say, the Captain Kidd and the Prospect of Whitby in Wapping but 1) Wapping is such a faff to get to 2) if you would like to get a table outside by the water on a sunny day then you should be prepared to get there the moment it opens, or to bring a knife with you. That's unacceptable.
In my view, which is the correct one, there should be at least 15 more bars and restaurants by the Thames between Chelsea Bridge and Tower Bridge. Ideally I'm thinking 45 more bars and restaurants but I'm willing to compromise, and be reasonable.
We need more boats on the river and we need more pubs that are directly on the river. We also need some stretches of pavement to be turned into terraces, at least in the summer. There's just nothing like being by the water! It calms and soothes you! It would make us all feel better!
Of course it wouldn't solve everything, but I think it would make life in the capital at least 10% better, and who could say no to those 10% right now?
A column
Hello (again)! Some notes:
What follows is a bit different from our usual fare here at Young Vulgarian Towers, in that I've written about what happened when I worked with Morgan McSweeney on a podcast no-one remembers. My apologies to you if you're not into British politics, it may be less interesting to you in that case, though hopefully some of the anecdotes in there are entertaining enough that you will find something in there to enjoy regardless.
Afraid I'm chucking this behind a Hard Paywall, by which I mean that I have removed the option to get a week-long free trial for the time being. My apologies, but baby's got rent to pay, and she's got quite a funky story to tell.
If you're a lobby journalist sniffing around for a news line, I think it's only fair for me to mention now, before you shell anything out, that I can't see anything I've written about below being turned into any sort of headline. It's a fun little tale, it has some amusing anecdotes, but it's not exactly newsworthy. Obviously you are welcome to pay me in order to make sure, but consider yourself warned.
Right! So! The year is 2018. The season is, I guess, late spring. I've been freelance for under a year and I'm still figuring it out a bit. The Corbyn Forever Wars are raging in the background. I get an email from a lovely producer I have worked with before, and he asks me if I'd like to talk about potentially co-hosting a podcast. I say yes, and we meet to talk about it.