an accidentally huge guide to Marrakech

Behold! I have had a thought.

Hello!

Hi! I've just spent three weeks in Marrakech, the motherland. I've always had a weird relationship with the city as I'd technically spent a lot of time there until three weeks ago, but was never able to give anyone recommendations, as my recs would have been "my grandparents' house", "the cafe near my grandparents' house" and, at a stretch, "the restaurant sort of near my grandparents' house".

I have now spent nearly a month doing one hell of a catch up, and believe I can offer a pretty good guide to the city. To be clear: I'm not a native. I may be half-Moroccan but my darija is that of a not especially bright three-year-old. I also don't really have Moroccan friends here. Many of the places I went to were, ironically, recommended to me by people who are not Moroccan.

Still, I recognise that it can be a bit of an overwhelming place if you've never been, and/or are not used to the gentle, charming chaos of north African countries. Hopefully this will help. As guides go, it's a bit like the tweet that went "live your life with the confidence of a 15-year old who's smoked weed twice talking to a 15-year old who's smoked weed once", but that's the best I can offer.

Crucially: I had a very good time here, and the three friends who came to visit me also had a very good time, so if you go to Marrakech and follow my advice, I have high hopes that you, too, will have a very good time.

Bars / restaurants / cafes

Note: this isn't that long a list, even though I was there for three weeks, as I was either working hard and eating cheesy pasta on the couch on the terrace at home, or I had friends visiting on the weekend and I wanted them to have a guaranteed good time so I would bring them to places I'd tried and tested and knew were great. I'm sure you can find more by wandering around, especially around Gueliz, though I rate all of those.

It's probably worth saying that most of them aren't that cheap, or as cheap as you would have maybe expected, so budget accordingly. Would also recommend booking most of them, especially for dinner or on weekends. Also, as per my guide to Venice: I'm pretty easily pleased when it comes to food. Maybe my "great!" is your "decent". I just love to be fed.

# Sahbi Sahbi

(Gueliz / boozy)

So nice! Contemporary Moroccan cuisine, restaurant run exclusively by women - definitely not cheap, but absolutely worth the money. Went with a friend and we ordered more than we could eat and split a bottle of nice wine and it came to £50 a head, which may not be something you want to spend on a meal, and that's fine, but even as someone who doesn't usually Massively Spend at restaurants I would say I was happy with the value for money. Also looks v fancy, which is always nice.

# L'Mida

(Medina / dry)

Insanely good also - friend recommended it and when we got there I thought "ah fuck, it looks like a tourist restaurant, we've been had" and I mean it may be a tourist restaurant but the food is brilliant. They do fusion cuisine, which is quite trendy in Marrakech at the moment, and I beg you - beg you! - to have the tanjia ravioli. Tanjia is arguably The classic Marrakchi dish and I think that somehow turning it into pasta makes it even better? Also offensively tasty was the crispy gnocchi in a tagine-y tomato sauce.

# Mizaan

(Gueliz / boozy)

So this is quite an existential question but going to Mizaan made me wonder if you're more likely to enjoy food if you're eating with someone who also really loves food. I went to the two places above with a friend who Loves To Eat then to this one with a friend who, sure, will happily have dinner but won't make a big deal out of it, and I liked the latter a bit less but I genuinely can't tell if it was because of the food or the company. In any case: it's very pleasant! Fusion food as well, definitely have the lamb liver and tallow skewers if you go. Also: good vibes.

# Kabana

(Medina / boozy)

This is sort of a recommendation but also sort of not? Kabana is definitely vv touristy, which I'd not realised before booking, but we went there on our very first day in Marrakech and you know what, sometimes all you want is a perfectly serviceable ceviche and a very generously poured glass of white wine on a sunny rooftop, especially as boozy restaurants aren't super common in the medina. Sometimes you do just want to have a basic bitch lunch, and that's fine.

# Maison Reine

(Medina / dry / only open for lunch on weekdays)

Extremely charming little place, this. Essentially just a small, partially covered roof terrace, I think around a dozen small tables at most? Pan-mediterranean small plates - definitely not cheap but not extortionate either. The setting is a delight, and the waiters are great.

# Petanque Social Club

(Gueliz / boozy)

If you would like to play petanque, then you can play petanque at the Petanque Social Club. It's important to me that you know that their name isn't a lie. If you do not want to play petanque, you can also have a drink there. I've never had the food as it never seemed especially appealing but it has both a pleasant inside and a pleasant terrace, and it's pretty close to several of the good Gueliz restaurants, so is ideal for a pre or post dinner drink.

# Grand Cafe de la Poste

(Gueliz / boozy)

Would you like to eat some entirely decent French food while in quite a grand setting? Then that is the place for you. Most people probably don't go to Marrakech to eat French food but maybe that is something you will eventually fancy. In that case, you should go there. It's also a bit of an institution, and you can gawp at the fancy expats and posh Moroccans eating there.

# Oberoi

(just out of town / boozy)

Right so this may not be a recommendation for everyone, as it's a faff to get there and I understand that not everyone wants that, but it is worth mentioning as I love it. The Oberoi is this insanely fancy hotel and it's a 20ish minute drive away from Marrakech. Due to not being a millionaire I've never eaten there but have been known to, on occasion, go there for precisely one (1) delicious and surprisingly strong cocktail on the terrace. It's so quiet. It's so beautiful. If you think you can't be bothered, google some pictures first to make sure. It's just so nice to pretend to be rich for exactly one hour.

# La Mamounia

(sort of near the medina I guess? / boozy)

Does it really need an introduction? It's one of the most famous and famously beautiful hotels in the world. If you don't mind paying a bit too much for a glass of wine then you can go get a pre-dinner drink there. It's quite wildly glamorous. The bathrooms are so fancy. Also if you go for a drink before 6pm you're allowed to have a walk through the gardens, so that's worth keeping in mind.

# Cafe des Epices

(Medina / dry)

Look, obviously a cafe with a rooftop in the middle of the medina is going to be catering to tourists. I've spent a bunch of time in Marrakech but I'm not a magician. I can't give you what doesn't exist. What I can say, though, is that the Cafe des Epices is very large, meaning that if you're overheating and in urgent need of a mint tea then you should be able to find space, and it is reasonably priced and the view from the roof is very nice, though I personally prefer sitting on the ground level terrace and watching the world go by. Each to their own.

# El Fenn

(Medina / boozy)

Never ate at El Fenn then a friend did it and told me the food wasn't great and that made me feel vindicated. It's a very bougie rooftop with an extremely good view of the Koutoubia and I would recommend going there for drinks. It's also large enough that you don't usually need to book. A bonus is being there during a call to prayer so you can think about the fact that people heard that same call to prayer in that same spot from the same mosque 900 years ago, and that's actually very touching. Does feel somewhat haram to be having those Big Thoughts while sipping on a martini, but you know.

# Sky at Les Ambassadeurs

(Gueliz / boozy)

The tallest rooftop in Marrakech! I'm pretty sure! Used to be v glam but fell into disrepair, which is a shame, though the bar still very much exists and will serve you an entirely drinkable glass of white wine for a fiver, while you look at the Atlas mountains towering over the city. Also the fact that it's less glam now means that it's way easier to get a table without even booking, so swings and roundabouts.

# Amal

( Gueliz / dry / only open for lunch)

Oh Amal is so great - it’s this charity that helps women with disabilities and/or from disadvantaged backgrounds gain skills and find employment, and they have this lovely restaurant on the side. The food is made by the women they’re training and it’s vv tasty, and the menu changes every day. Their garden is extremely chilled and pretty, and you can feel like you’re doing a good thing, so it’s a real win-win.

# Boujemaa

(Gueliz / dry)

As a bonus: it's the restaurant sort of near my grandparents' house! Yes, really. It's actually really good. Well, they're actually really good: there's one restaurant for meat and one restaurant for fish. Everyone gets their own Boujemaa. It's not fancy or anything, but the food is really tasty, and it's "the sort of place where real Moroccans eat", if you're one of those tourists. You know the ones. Crucially: it is, as a result, way cheaper than the other restaurants. Last time I went with a friend we accidentally ordered enough to both eat dinner then bring a full lunch home and it was just under a tenner per person.

Tourist things

Note: yeah that one does what it says on the tin. I've nothing to add.

# Jardin Majorelle / YSL museum

Great! Really beautiful! Only one you absolutely need to book in advance though, the queues are hellish otherwise. Yves Saint Laurent museum is, if I'm honest, a tad underwhelming, especially compared to the rest, but the building is great.

# Bahia Palace

Another classic, for a reason. It's incredible. You may get lost. That's part of the fun.

# Badi Palace

Not a whole lot to do there and wouldn't recommend in the middle of a very hot day as nearly all of it is fully outside but it's good. Wouldn't say it's like a top 5 thing but definitely top 10.

# Koutoubia

One of the most famous mosques in the world! Can't really not go see it. Unfortunately impossible to visit the inside but the little informational panels dotted around the outside are useful.

# Basha Palace

Really enjoyed it, actually - smaller than some of the other palaces but really, really stunning. There's a cafe there which is quite famous but try not to plan anything around it, as the waiting list to get a table is usually mental.

# Ben Youssef Medressa

100% a top 3 highlight. Awe-inspiring building, breathtaking architecture, and just really nice to think about all the generations of people who lived there across the centuries. Also - fun fact for you - my great grandfather was both a student then a teacher there, so if you have any complaints about me you can curse my ancestor while you're there.

# Jardin Secret

Vv peaceful and beautiful garden. Also has lots of sitting space so a good shout as maybe a middle of the afternoon activity if you can feel yourself flagging a bit, and tiring of the intensity of the medina.

# Water Museum

Not been in a while but I remember going with my mum a few years ago and really enjoying it. It's quite far out and there isn't much nearby but it's enjoyably nerdy, if you care about things like "how did ancient Marrakchis manage to bring water to essentially a desert all the way from the Atlas mountains back when technology was, huh, mostly lacking". I know some of you will care about that.

# Museum of Intangible Cultural Heritage

Fucking sucks! Sorry to whoever worked on it but man alive it's not a good museum. I'm glad I only went because I finished work early but not that early one evening and wanted to do one (1) manageable thing before dinner, so I hopped in a cab and went there and I swear I was out again after under ten minutes. This includes at least one minute standing around and wondering if I needed to use the bathroom before trying to catch a cab home. It's tiny and there's absolutely nothing of note in there. One of the rooms is just a bunch of posters of movies filmed in Marrakech, which, you know. Lol. Sure.

# MACMA Museum

So I can't fully give you a review of this because they were refurbishing it when I went, meaning that I got in for free (nice) but there wasn't a whole lot to look at (ah well). Liked the vibes a lot though, think it does what that other place above tries to do but, you know, actually well. Mix of old pictures of Morocco, nice jewellery, some art, all of that. Good vibes! Also in Gueliz, if you tire of the medina, which I do sometimes.

# Musée des Arts de la Parure

Very much an all or nothing place, this. Do you like the idea of looking at a bucketload of ancient jewellery and clothing from non-Western countries? Then you will love it. Do you not like that idea? Then you will not love it. Easy. Done.

# Culinary Arts Museum

Going to be honest here and say that I only went because it's like a street away from the Bahia Palace, where I sent my friend, but I'd already been so I decided to find something else to do instead. It's…fine. In retrospect it wasn't the best museum for me personally as I just walked around going "yep, I've eaten that, I've eaten that, I've eaten that", due to the whole "being Moroccan" thing, but you may find it more rewarding. You may also not. It's not bad but it's not exactly mind-blowing.

# Maison de la Photographie

Very charming little place! The building is really lovely and it has a good roof terrace if you want a break and some mint tea. The historical photography is really great. Strong recommend.

# Music Museum

Eh. Main thing I'll say for it is that you can get in for free if you went to the Maison de la Photographie, and that it's in a corner of the medina you won't necessarily see otherwise. In a way, it's a bit like the Arts de la Parure place: if you'd like to watch a series of videos about the different types of traditional Moroccan music then by all means knock yourself out, but if you don't…eh.

# Museum of Marrakech

Also charming, but maybe…despite itself? I'm not convinced it set out to be charming. It's quite gently chaotic, and largely involves bits of…stuff? You won't necessarily learn a lot about Marrakech, which, yes, is meant to be the point of the place, but there's something a bit ramshackle about it which I enjoyed. Very much one of those "well here are some things I guess" museum.

Art

Wanted to include this as a category but also quite hard to do when you're trying to publish something that's not time-sensitive. I've seen a lot of good exhibitions here but that is: not especially relevant to you, seeing as you're not currently in Marrakech. What I would say is that the Comptoir des Mines had some absolutely banging stuff on display when I was there, and I reckon their shows are always worth checking out. Nearby is the Loft Art Gallery, who also had some really great stuff on, as did L'Blassa, which also owns the very pleasant hipstery coffee shop next door. Happily, all three places are within a roughly five minute walk of each other, so what I would recommend is to hang out in that neck of the woods and have a nice time walking around, stumbling upon various shows and galleries.

Day trips

# Essaouira

So Essaouira is not Close close but you can definitely do it in a day, as long as you're not allergic to early mornings like I am. Very much Marrakech's Brighton, in that it's the place where the city people go when they want to see the sea, but it definitely has its own thing going on. It's more than a resort. It's very beautiful. You can also book a grand taxi for the day which is pretty reasonably priced, especially if there are several of you.

# Ourika

Not actually been since I was circa seven years old, meaning that my only memory of it is "snow!". It's a village in the mountains, and lots of places will charge you a reasonable amount to drive you around there and look at the waterfalls and climb a little bit and see the traditional argan oil making places, and what have you. I have no great interest in "nature" so I have not been back as an adult but I've heard good reviews.

General tips

# Cabs

So! Cabs! Bit of a complicated entry, this. First thing: there's no proper public transit system here, so you'll have to rely on them to get around. Second thing: cabs are known to want to maximise their rides, so don't be worried if they stop to take another passenger on the way to wherever you're going. This also means you can hail a cab if you see one or two people in there. Third thing: as a result, they can be a bit prissy about where they're going. Don't take it personally if you give your destination and they go "nope!" and drive off. It's happened to all of us, many times.

Fourth thing: you will probably get fleeced. You have to make your peace with that. Cabs usually have a meter but often - not always! but often! - if they see a tourist they will turn off the meter and make you agree to a price in advance, which will be more than what the meter would have shown. I'm usually fine because I speak some darija and I look like I maybe know where I'm going, but it was striking to notice how the prices changed depending on whether I was alone or with my friend who was - no offence to her - as pale as Caspar the ghost.

What this means in practice is that you'll probably end up paying quite wildly different prices from one day to the next, even if you're making the same trips, as your fate will be entirely in the hands of the cab drivers. My point is: that's something you will have to live with. It's the tourist tax. You can hail cab after cab after cab until you get one with a meter but I personally believe that's no way to live. At most the difference in fee will be, like, a fiver. Just live with it. The only thing I would add is that if you're staying within the confines of the city, don't let anyone charge you more than 100 dirhams. That's not polite, respectful fleecing, but fully taking the piss. We all need to have our limits.

# Booze

Hmm, sort of complex but sort of not. In short: if you're after a holiday where your main goal is to get pished all day, don't go to a Muslim country. That's pretty straightforward. That doesn't mean you can't drink, though: there are a lot of bars and restaurants that will serve you alcohol, especially in Gueliz. Most establishments in or immediately around the medina will be dry though, that's worth knowing. It's also, to the best of my knowledge, not possible to have booze on street-facing terraces, but that's why they've invented gardens and rooftops.

Basically: just look at my list and go from there.

If you've booked an Airbnb and desire to get pished in the safety of your own home, I'd recommend going to the Carrefour in Carre Eden, which has a wide selection of wines and spirits. I have a bottle of delicious muscadet chilling in the fridge as we speak.

# Dress

I mean this is sort of like the alcohol situation: people are pretty relaxed here, but it's still a Muslim country. There's technically nothing stopping you from wearing whatever you want, but my rule is to personally always cover my shoulders, have dresses that go til at least just above the knee, and not to wear anything cropped or wildly bodycon. That's basically it. Others may have other rules, and you can absolutely wear something a bit spicier then chuck a coat on until you get to your fancy restaurant, if that's what you want to do, but I would say my rules have served me well so far.

# Hotels

So in some ways I'm not qualified to talk about this at all, because I've never stayed in a hotel in Marrakech in my life, but in others this is my list and I can give you advice if I want to. My advice, controversially, would be that most people probably shouldn't stay inside the medina. There are only two exceptions here and they are: 1) are you wildly rich and able to stay in one of those truly insane riads? 2) are you comfortable being surrounded by chaos from the moment you step out the door in the morning? If the answers to both of those are "no", then you should not stay in the medina.

It's true that it means being closer to all the tourist things to do, but it's so easy to get lost in there, and there will always be people hellbent on driving their mopeds through the tiny streets, and you'll be surrounded by other tourists at all times, and it's not the safest place to be in at night, or at least the most relaxing. If I were you, what I would do instead would be to find myself a chic little hotel in one of the side streets of Gueliz, away from the worst of the traffic. That's the neighbourhood where you'll probably end up having dinner most nights, so you'll be able to walk home at night without faffing with cabs.

You'll also be pretty close to the medina anyway, and it'll just be a lot quieter and, ironically, you'll definitely have a more "authentic" stay, if that's what you're after, as so few Marrakchis actually live in the medina these days. Again, though, I am not you. Maybe you want the chaos and the sights and the smells and the mopeds and the yelling and the other tourists. I'm not the boss of you. You can do what you want.

# Hammam

Go to the hammam! Regrettably I cannot tell you in good faith to go to like, a proper neighbourhood hammam, because those require bringing in all sorts of things with you, from the buckets and plastic pots to the towels and special gloves and pumice stones, and it'd feel like a faff to either travel with all of those or buy them all just to use them for one hour of your life. Find a tourist-friendly hammam but mostly make sure to get a real scrubbing massage. It will be, if you've never had one before, Quite Invigorating. You'll feel so clean afterwards though. Every other shower will feel disappointing after that. My one piece of advice would also be to do it in maybe late afternoon, maybe on your last day, and to have nothing planned afterwards except from, at most, "drinks and dinner". No-one wants to be active after the hammam. You'll be too relaxed. Oh, and bring spare knickers, everyone always forgets the spare knickers.

# Street harassment

Not the happiest of topics, but several female acquaintances asked me about it so it's probably worth addressing. I definitely have memories of being a teenager in Morocco and endlessly getting catcalled by men on the street, but I'm happy to report that things have…….seemingly got a lot better? Well, unless I've become significantly uglier, which is always a possibility, but I feel like I would have noticed. I only got approached by one weird but harmless drunk in my time here, and weird but harmless drunks are absolutely a feature of any big city.

I'm not exactly sure what happened there but yeah, something that used to clearly be a Big Problem seems to mostly not exist anymore, at least in Marrakech, and that's nice! Sometimes good things happen! You may notice people looking at you though, but that's normal and nothing to be worried about. To go further: Brits, I feel, are a bit of an exception compared to the rest of the world. Even the French and the Germans love to stare. Americans can be quite glare-y as well. You guys are the weird ones for looking anywhere but people's faces.

# Food

Look I'm not going to give you a whole guide to Moroccan food. I don't want to do that. What I do want to get across, however, is that you need to have at least one proper Moroccan breakfast, by which I mean that you need to have msemen and eggs with khlii. Msemen - no sniggering at the back - is sort of like a roti I guess? It's delicious. I could eat one hundred thousand of them and not get bored. Khlii is sort of like Moroccan jerky, in that it's meat that's spiced then left to dry in the sun, but the crucial difference is that once it's dried, it's put in jars of delicious fat, then taken out of that delicious fat and fried back to life, and it's one of the tastiest things known to man.

The proper way to have it is to then crack some eggs in the pan, throw in some cumin on the yolk, and let it all cook. It's so good. "Oh but I'm not really a breakfast pers-" - shut up. You are, for the purpose of this trip, a breakfast person. Have some msemen and some eggs and khlii. Also let me know if you know where to find khlii in London. I'm yet to find it. It's ruining my life. I will transfer five Great British Pounds to your bank account if you tell me where you find it.

Oh and since you're here, you should have tanjia. It's a proper Marrakech specialty. One time I met a Moroccan guy not from Marrakech in London and told him where my family was from and he just blurted out "tanjia!". That's how good it is.